Monday, July 30, 2007

A good starting point

So I have been doing my research while sitting on my ass waiting for motivation to come by and pick me up and make me exercise.. umm, ya, right.. like that is going to happen.. and yet in some ways it has.. but before we get to that.. here are some good quotes I found on the internet about starting to diet.

Fitness is a lifestyle. It is a conscious step we make each day to take care of ourselves. I like to think that keeping fit is an investment for my future. The minutes and hours spent each day exercising could mean added years of vitality and energy in my later years. I definitely want to be able to keep up with my grand kids one day. So put on your shoes, let's run!"

Saying "I want to lose weight" is never enough. Saying "I aim to lose 1lb per week through watching what I eat and working out 3 times a week of 30 minutess cardiovascular training, 20 minutes of weight training and 10 minutes of stretching per session" is more the real deal. The difference should be obvious.
-- Xfile

Anyway.. I was sitting around actually working (how many calories does thinking burn an hour?).. and my boy Trauma comes online and we start talking about diet. Now I thought Trauma was really skinny based on his Yahoo! messenger icon. However he cleared that up by telling me that was Jesus from the Big Lebowski.. shit he was bowling so I thought it was Trauma. Anyway.. he has some experience losing weight and convinced me to start with the sugar intake. So instead of drinking 3-4 cokes a day I will switch to diet for 2 weeks. I will see how much I can lose just by that small change and possibly give myself some motivation to kick in some exercise.

I am going to put a fat-o-meter on the sidebar so you can all follow along too.. I have been reading about Axeman trying to lose weight.. now if I could only get him to take me to Vegas if I lose 30 pounds I would be all set..

Saturday, July 28, 2007


I am still figuring out the path that the blog is going to take but I figure I need some motivation.. So I invited two lovely ladies to do the heavy lifting with me. We will each bring our own perspectives to the blog as we are all VERY different. Please welcome Gracie from SheVerb and Katitude from Katitude Does Poker.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Fatty Bloggers are Poker Bloggers too

My new fatty blogger friends are actually poker bloggers too! I was pretty surprised that Tim (if that is your real name, I know we fatty bloggers sometimes use aliases) knew me from my poker blog!! HA! Anyway thanks for the welcome Tim! Even though I am a bit tongue and cheek with the weight loss blog I am really hoping it motivates me to exercise and get into shape.. If I am as successful as in poker.. well here I come 400 pounds!!!! WOOT!


The combination of a excessive nutrient intake and a sedentary lifestyle has been identified as the main cause for the rapid acceleration of obesity in Western society in the second half of the 20th century. Despite the widespread availability of nutritional information in schools, doctors' offices, on the internet and on groceries,[16] it is evident that overeating remains a substantial problem. For instance, reliance on energy-dense fast-food meals tripled between 1977 and 1995, and calorie intake quadrupled over the same period.[17]

Less well established life style issues include a stressful mentality and insufficient sleep.

No fucking kidding. Let's see. I never sleep. I play video games for fun (including poker), and work on a computer for a living.. Jesus I am a walking billboard for Lifestyles of the Obese and slightly famous in an internet kinda way. Fuck me.

At least I know how to dress though.. I mean have you seen these fat fucking chicks will the belly shirts? It is mostly younger kids.. maybe our young generation is so fucking fat they do not care if their jelly rolls are hanging out. I mean do they think some fat guy friend of theirs is going to get hungry seeing that shit and they may get some action? Hide some of that flab you little sluts! I mean cmon.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

I think I Know Why

I think I know why I am fucking obese.. Let me ask you normal skinny folkes a question: Would you eat food from someone on a subway? I mean seriously? I just finished up two morsels I got from some strangers on the subway.

A bunch of kids were handing out free samples of something called BalanceBare. Alright. They were probably fine. I mean I checked for needle sized holes in the wrapping.. It says it is a "Health Bar" but from further reading of trusted sources I am not sure. Damn. I knew it tasted too good.

Holy Fucking Bad Beat Batman

I just found out.. *gulp* I am OBESE!

Your BMI is 31.3
30.0 and Above --> Obese

A BMI of 30 or above is considered obese. Obesity is associated with an increased risk for heart disease, diabetes, and other life-threatening diseases.

I'm fucking one of those fat guys you see on hospital shows who they have to get 19 people to carry out and who have to be naked all the time because no clothes fit them.
I'm like Jaba the Hutt! I lost at poker last night and I did what obese people do! I hit the ice cream!!!!

So maybe I should start a new blog: I am fucking Obese! It could chronicle my losing battle against fattiness. I figured I would look and see how to get fit.. but it is too confusing.. See I went to this page and looked up some exercises.

The Stair Shuttle I get. I mean it is kind of stupid running up and down one step but seems easy.. But what the fuck does this mean?

Crab-Walk Pushup

Assume the classic pushup position. Perform a pushup, then squeeze your abs forcefully and slide your left leg and left arm out to the side as far as possible. Do another pushup, then bring your right arm and leg over so you're back in the starting position. That's one repetition. Do two or three reps in each direction.

Where the fuck is my Abs? How the hell do I squeeze it? What kind of fucking monkey gymnast do I have to be to pull that move off? I mean if I was a fucking coordinated type of person then do you think I would be OBESE! Jesus!!!!

I could probable handle the agility run if I had a ruler to measure 5 yards.. I am really bad at spatial things.. wait.. even better.. a YARD STICK.. yeah, I gotta get me one of those..

Interrupted Pullups.. Hello fuckers! Have you heard a word I said???!?!?! I AM FUCKING OBESE AND YOU WANT ME TO PULL MYSELF UP! JESUS! You think I would be OBESE if I could fucking pull myself up???!?!? And where the fuck am I going to find a pole? I mean I do not exactly live next to a strip club. What are you people retarded? I mean who fucking writes these things 80 pound gymnasts? No wonder they can do contorted pushups and pull their fucking scrawny bodies up on a pole..

Exercise fucking tilts me.

** Cross posted from my Poker Blog